~~~Sarah~~~

Mother

2009-10-24T06:13:08Z

I don't know why I ever feared my father in the past. If he didn't like something or didn't want to do something, he just said so. My mother however, is a conniving bitch, whom I think I am very close to loathing. Earlier this semester, when payment of my classes became an issue, I offered to pay with a chunk of my student loan money. When I first started college, the agreement was that I could use the money that I received from my student loans for whatever I needed it for and Mother would cover the costs of my tuition. Well, because Emily HAD to have a car (she didn't ask for it, my Mother was the one who decided this was needed) instead of sharing my mother's car, Mom used up all the money that she had set aside for my tuition. Realize also, that when it comes to anything involving me with finances, it is automatically my fault. I will be the first to admit that I am HORRIBLE with money. I like buying things, books, movies, clothes that fit without Mother around to criticize every single detail she doesn't approve of (a large reason behind my largely t-shirt wardrobe).

Now, I did go a little overboard with what I bought this semester (The complete series of The West Wing along with some comedy DVDs), I likely spent too much at Best Buy. However, I decided that I would like something that I really wanted for Christmas this year and knew my Mother would refuse to buy it. I cannot ask for clothing, she buys it in sizes too big for me, Katie knows this. So I'm just going to ask for Cash anymore. It's easier. So, I bought this for me.

Well, tonight I was sitting down with mom and told her that I need 2 summer classes to be able to graduate (130 hours is a LOT of classes). She looked at me blankly. I reminded her that I had helped pay my tuition this semester, and would likely have to next semester, because she is getting old and needs time to sit around the house and make Emily feel important on weekends apparently. I love my sister, do not mistake that, it is my Mother I cannot stand. So much so that this semester I've been purposely screening my calls and thought many times about simply ignoring her.

Anyways, back to this. The sum that I came up with that I would need for summer classes was 2 grand, which is surprisingly the exact amount that I paid out of my student loan this last semester. My plan this summer was to take $1,250 and put in Savings for summer and to have a cushion to begin to pay back said loans, buy things/Live off another $1,000 and put the rest towards Arabic Rosetta Stone, in hopes of scoring a job with the government after graduation. I told her the amount, another blank stare. "Well, you should have saved from the $1,700 that you still had from your loan."

Granted, I splurged and spent the money. However, I also thought that since I had paid that money so my parent's wouldn't go into massive debt, that I also wouldn't have to worry about paying for my summer classes because I'd helped her. She pretty much gave me a look that said I should be on my knees worshipping her for everything she hath done for me. USI is the *CHEAPEST* college other than Community colleges in Indiana. That 2 grand I mentioned earlier? That covers two college classes, campus housing and campus services.

I told her I wouldn't be able to just use the money from the remainder of my student loans. She told me to get a job. USI is in Evansville, Indiana. Evansville is the second largest city in Indiana, home to two colleges, numerous high schools and a very soon to be closed Maytag factory. Guess how many jobs, part time/Full time/any, are available. None. I've looked, asked, applied. Nothing. No one is hiring, it's a recession and Evansville got hit HARD.

Another solution, get more money from HER parents. 'If you hadn't wasted the money they had on that gaming computer you'd be fine.' As I've said, I know I'm not the greatest with money, I saw a NICE computer as an investment, as I've gone through one laptop already in college and the one that I have still is on it's last leg. I wanted something that I could rely on a little more than a shitty HP laptop that I got on sale. So, I got the computer. The 'gaming' aspect is a nice graphics card and a bigger monitor. Not a gaming desktop by any gamer's standards. I also bought it to serve as DVD player/entertainment device as well as safekeeper to my documents so I could continue to run the laptop into the ground.

So, now I don't know what I'm going to do for the summer classes I need. I will have to call my grandparent's tomorrow and see if there is any money from what they had set aside for me and go from their. I'm likely going to have to take out another student loan on my own to figure out how I'll pay back later, because I'm not sure I'm going to be able to find a job anywhere.

It's not that I don't mind helping my parents, mainly my Father since after I graduate I plan to sequester myself as far from Mother as possible, it's that my mother is so callous about it. I'm working hard in school, and trying to get through this pain in the ass fibryomyaglia which my professors have more sympathy about it than Mother does.

As sad or bad as this may sound, getting the hell away from Lisa is a large reason behind why I want to get married. Far down the list of the mushy gushy I love Daine and every reason one should get married. But usually after we talk about it a little bit, and moving to whereever after his schooling is done, I think how nice it will be to think I may only have to see my mother once a year. I can't stand her, I honestly hate her. I love her because she is my mother, and that is about it. I am grateful for the things that she and dad do for me, but it is certainly not without cost. Which is the side of Lisa that people rarely see. There are some nights that I wish my parents would divorce, so I could see my dad without her.

So, I don't know where to go from here. I even told her I'm not sure I'll come back for Thanksgiving. I want to see my dad, and sister, and grandparents. But, I don't want to see my Mother.

Sigh

2009-09-08T14:51:36Z

Bad weekend
Bad Holiday
Bad start to the day today
want to just crawl back into my bed and sleep the rest of today away
Just bad

queenofmercury @ 2009-08-17T18:13:00

2009-08-17T23:13:21Z

Raping

2009-08-07T20:32:22Z

The bookstore is raping me here, 635$ for books this next semester. OOOOUUUUUCCCCCHHHHH

Surprises

2009-04-08T19:38:03Z

I love surprises, but then who doesn't? I'm horrible at keeping secrets though, so I'm not good at surprising people. But, Daine sent me flowers today. *big grin* Beautiful purple lilies (he remembered!) and tulips with an adorable bear on the side of the pretty green vase. Totally made my day, if not my week. I love you Daine!

Whiny Wednesday

2009-03-19T03:49:31Z

Well, it's Wednesday, so I can bitch.

I'm tired of so many things

I'm tired of being sick all the time. It seems like as soon as I get somewhat better, I get hit with something else that is nasty. And it's not just a head cold, or something small. No, I get Strep or Mono or Flu!

I'm tired of living with women, roommates in particular. I'm really hoping that I get the room to myself next year. Everything about Lindsay is bitch bitch bitch about everything that I happen to do that she doesn't like. She was even bitching about how she thinks my feet smell up the room. I was kinda offended by this, especially since she isn't there for more than MAYBE an hour a DAY! It's like when she comes in, I'm supposed to change everything to suit what she wants and what works best for her. I've given up several things around here, like, THE CLOSET because she needed more space. If she was here more than once in a blue moon, I might feel bad. But I'm getting tired of living with her. And Jessica, well, I hate Jessica and can't stand her so just about everything pisses me off with her. She's just SO dumb >.< While, I'd love to move in with Daine, I can feel better compromising with things when I'm involved so directly with someone. Lindsay, not so much.

I would bitch some more, but I'm very tired. Literally. All I do anymore is sleep it seems. *sigh* I'm ready for May to be here already

queenofmercury @ 2009-03-13T06:31:00

2009-03-13T11:31:32Z

Sleep labs/sleep studies, suck

House M.D.

2009-03-09T17:50:34Z

Well, I kinda feel that after my visit to my doctor I should be appearing on the next episode of House. She drew 8 HUGE vials of blood to check for:

Rheumatoid Arthritis (2 different kinds)
Cushing's
Addison's
Mono
Flu
Blood Count
Adrenal gland issues

I also get to go have a sleep lab done and check for restless legs syndrome.

Guh, my luck. I'm going back to bed

queenofmercury @ 2009-03-05T01:35:00

2009-03-05T07:36:44Z

Go Find/steal/kill or whatever and Listen to Sunshine (Adagio in D Minor) from the movie Sunshine. DO IT!!! It is an AMAZING song!!

Sicko

2009-03-04T14:44:27Z

I'm sick, again, I feel like I'm sick more often than I'm healthy. I don't know what more I can really do, other than starting to work out. I'm taking vitamins but they don't seem to be doing much. Ever since I went to England it seems like my immune system is just shot. I feel like I've swallowed a pin cushion, which points to Strep, which I've had before. And I'm highly contagious for this first day, so I have to be careful where I go

queenofmercury @ 2009-03-01T07:37:00

2009-03-01T13:43:00Z

I don't know why but this whole year has been kinda tough on me, and I mean the academic year. I've just not been into it, other than my history classes, which is kinda a given. I guess I'm getting senoritis. I'm almost done, two more semester, 32 more weeks. The only thing keeping me from trying to graduate early is Dr. H is offering Medieval Technology Spring '10 and I really want to build a catapult. I'll miss getting to take classes with him, he is a really good teacher, the best I've ever had. I still have no idea what I really want to do after I do graduate, I do know I need a bit of a break before attempting higher education, if I have the means to do so. School is so damn expensive. And then there are the other plans that I have for my future as well.

Being an adult sucks sometimes, there's never enough time or money it seems. Money is the big one, especially with today's economy. I feel so dependent on the people around me that are supporting me and how little I can do to show how much I really appreciate it.

sigh

2009-01-21T17:34:08Z

Well, I'm hanging out in the LA right now, Dr. Lynn asked me to join herself and some other professors for lunch to interview a potential new Latin America professor for here at the University. Then I have to run off to my internship, run back for HC/PAT meeting and then jump over to ED for my quickstart SI session. Oh boy. I'm so tired, I don't know why I've been so tired, I got a lot of sleep yesterday and slept well. *shrug*

Daine has been acting odd this week. We had great conversation on Sunday, then Monday he was tired from driving and yesterday he was tired from work (I guess). I know that his job is hard on him sometimes... but is it so horrible that I would like a little attention? I know that he hates to talk about small talk things, but sometimes it so hurts my feelings when he does nothing but give one word replies and has this tone that he really doesn't care. Maybe I'm being selfish and a 'drama queen' as I have a reputation for, but it's incredibly frustrating feeling like I'm the only one in the relationship sometimes.

He's gearing up for another deployment, which sucks but there isn't much I can really do about it. I know that when that happens, he's just going to become more and more distant with me, which breaks my heart in a way. It's hard having a long distance relationship, even harder that it's a military one. I get so jealous when I see my roommates with their boyfriends, especially Lindsay who spends almost every night with Willie.

I think that I just have to stop caring as much? I'm tired and I have a lot to do today, so I guess I'll just get to bed early, it's not like I'll be missed by anyone.

~~S

Change is coming

2008-11-05T15:23:33Z

As I looked through facebook status updates today, I was saddened to see those who were claiming to move to Canada or Mexico saying that the next four years are going to be horrible. I realize that everyone has their own opinion, and maybe it's my historical love and background, or that I voted for the President Elect, but why can't people realize the significance of last night? Granted it would have been historical if Sarah Palin had become Vice President as a woman. But, as one of the anchors said on MSNBC this morning that this is a country that was founded and built on slavery and that only half a century ago, there was still segregation against something as petty as skin color. My grandfather has recalled times where he was not able to interact with friends of his at certain times, because he was white and they were black. And now, we have a black man in the highest office of our powerful government. I know that some people are bitter and think that nothing good shall come of Barack Obama, but can't they be happy that a huge historical event has taken place?

queenofmercury @ 2008-10-25T15:00:00

2008-10-25T20:01:10Z

I really hate it when video games are more important

queenofmercury @ 2008-10-18T11:03:00

2008-10-18T16:04:44Z

I feel very depressed today. I don't know why, I'm on medication to counteract that. My friends from Harlaxton are here, and we are having fun... I just don't feel happy... I don't feel loved

Oy

2008-09-15T21:33:52Z

Well, I'm at the Red Branch of the Vanderburgh Public Library doing homework because it's been a very interesting weekend at USI. The remnants of Ike came through yesterday and knocked the power out in most of housing, including the building I'm in. This morning, a backhoe from one of the construction sites severed the internet line, so now the entire campus is without internet and housing is without power.

I got to take a cold shower this morning, not fun, and figure out how to get homework done that I needed internet access too, hence being at the public library, which I just completed. Now I'm off to work on history homework that's due tomorrow.

I hope they get the power fixed soon... or my cold food will go bad... >.

Always going to want just a little longer

2008-08-25T17:29:28Z

I'm sitting here in the hotel room, wishing that it was still Friday, not Monday. But, I guess time is going to move on no matter how much I don't want it to. I have a few more days out here in Washington, and I'm sure Kate and I will have lots of fun hanging out until Wednesday night when I have to leave. She's amazing afterall. But, at the same time, I don't want to leave Daine. I know I have to, and it's not going to get any easier each time. But dammit I just wanna stay!

queenofmercury @ 2008-07-18T07:54:00

2008-07-18T11:55:00Z

SQUEE!!!! OMG BATMAN WAS SO AMAZING!!!

queenofmercury @ 2008-06-09T23:34:00

2008-06-10T03:36:37Z

Fuck Marsh
Fuck Storms
Fuck Greenfield
Fuck Indiana

55 days until I'm in Washington, thank god.

Stormy nights

2008-05-31T18:15:52Z

Last night was fun, Greenfield was under a tornado warning for part of the night and my house was pounded by one of the strongest storms I think I have ever experienced. It was interesting looking back on it, but at the time... I was scared. My parents are in Ohio and my sister is at my grandparents house, and it was about midnight when this was all going down.

Today it is nice and sunny though. And I have to work, boo. I make good money at Marsh, but it's BORING sometimes. Ooh well, August 4th is 2 months, 3 days, 19 hours and 4 minutes (until my flight leaves that is)... not that I'm counting down or anything. I'm so excited to get to see Daine!! I already know that it's going to be tough leaving at the end of the month. But, then he will be coming back for Christmas, so hopefully that semester will pass quickly.

I'm still looking into trying to graduate a semester early, just because I'm really getting tired of being in school. I'm looking forward to this next semester, I'm taking fun classes and a full load so I will be busy too, which I like. I was bored to tears last semester with only three classes (and three classes I really disliked too). I dunno, I want to accomplish a few things for myself this next semester too, hopefully I can accomplish them.

Love!

queenofmercury @ 2008-05-25T22:27:00

2008-05-26T02:28:35Z

6 Months!! ^_^

H.S. Drama... oy

2008-05-13T18:54:28Z

Haha, sometimes you don't realize how dumb and annoying some people are until you hang out with people whom you enjoy their company and can relax around them.

Love you Sean and Kate!!

queenofmercury @ 2008-05-10T16:22:00

2008-05-10T20:23:27Z

Marsh is stealing my soul

Oy...

2008-04-25T21:09:48Z

I'm in Heathrow airport right now... camped out near the arrivals terminal which is directly across the courtyard from where I have to go at 6 am to check in for my 11:15 flight back home, yay! Well, flight to Chicago and then I take another flight from Chicago to Indianapolis. We have been here for about 6 hours now, and I still have another 8-ish before check in. And then I can drop my luggage, which sucks balls lugging around. 100 lbs of clothes, books and misc. knick knacks.

I'm emailing back and forth with Daine and my parents, which is nice, yay! I have internet access, which is very nice even though I had to pay a little bit of money to get it. 6 pounds for 24 hours is not that bad though, considering the coin computers are a pound for 10 min. O.O

Italy was lots of fun, but I'm ready to go home. I have lots of fond memories from this trip, I've made some exciting new friends, seen some of the places I never thought I would actually get to see and had lots of fun, for the most part. Harlaxton was certainly an interesting experience, one that I would recommend to anyone, however it is like living in a box. Some of the people you are friends with at the beginning of the semester may not be your friends at the end, and other fun things like that. But I'm also closer to some of these people than I am with my USI friends, because it's not just class I see them, I live near them too.

I shall miss the Harlaxton diet and work out (Refrectory food and 100 stairs... one way, to my room) and miss being able to walk down the hall to see my friends, rather than driving across town or across states. I'm also going to miss my host family, because they were amazing. But I'm also really looking forward to not having roommates for four months, seeing my friends and my family and making money instead of spending it...not that spending it hasn't been fun, but I started to feel guilty every time I used the card a few weeks ago.

Katie is coming back to Indiana next week, which will be LOADS of fun to see her again. I'm going out to Washington come August to see her and Daine for a couple weeks (direct flights rock my socks... I'm SOO sick of connections at this point) which will be loads of fun and possibly the first time I will have gotten to see Daine since Christmas time *sigh*

I think 'the first deployment' would have been a lot harder on me if I hadn't been here in England, because it would have been on my mind even more than it was. But, perhaps it has made me a stronger person/girlfriend because of it. I've certainly had my moments, I'm not denying that in the least, but maybe it won't be AS hard next time to let him leave for awhile. Having to go email only for a time has certainly made me appreciate other forms of communication like phones (One phone call in 4 months, *sigh*) or Instant Messenger. I can't imagine what it would have been like 'old school' with snail mail only... that would be *shudders*

It's somewhat odd, I look back on the past 4 months of my life and wonder where the time went. Yes I have gotten lots from those 4 months, but still... it went by so fast! But, if one can't learn to savor life in the moments and enjoy the little things each day brings you, what else do you have to look forward to really?

I'm leaving on a jet plane... don't know when I'll be back again

2008-04-17T01:01:44Z

*sniff* The first round of buses just left and some of my amazing friends that I've made here are on it :( I'm hoping that I'll be able to see them again, I really hope. A couple of them I will, because we go to college in Evansville together, so just across town. But a couple are a little ways away, which makes me sad. I'm excited to go to Italy, but I've really enjoyed my time here, and I'm happy to be going home, but I wish I could take my friends with me :(

~*~*~Sarah~*~*~