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Mother
current mood: crushed
I don't know why I ever feared my father in the past. If he didn't like something or didn't want to do something, he just said so. My mother however, is a conniving bitch, whom I think I am very close to loathing. Earlier this semester, when payment of my classes became an issue, I offered to pay with a chunk of my student loan money. When I first started college, the agreement was that I could use the money that I received from my student loans for whatever I needed it for and Mother would cover the costs of my tuition. Well, because Emily HAD to have a car (she didn't ask for it, my Mother was the one who decided this was needed) instead of sharing my mother's car, Mom used up all the money that she had set aside for my tuition. Realize also, that when it comes to anything involving me with finances, it is automatically my fault. I will be the first to admit that I am HORRIBLE with money. I like buying things, books, movies, clothes that fit without Mother around to criticize every single detail she doesn't approve of (a large reason behind my largely t-shirt wardrobe).
Now, I did go a little overboard with what I bought this semester (The complete series of The West Wing along with some comedy DVDs), I likely spent too much at Best Buy. However, I decided that I would like something that I really wanted for Christmas this year and knew my Mother would refuse to buy it. I cannot ask for clothing, she buys it in sizes too big for me, Katie knows this. So I'm just going to ask for Cash anymore. It's easier. So, I bought this for me.
Well, tonight I was sitting down with mom and told her that I need 2 summer classes to be able to graduate (130 hours is a LOT of classes). She looked at me blankly. I reminded her that I had helped pay my tuition this semester, and would likely have to next semester, because she is getting old and needs time to sit around the house and make Emily feel important on weekends apparently. I love my sister, do not mistake that, it is my Mother I cannot stand. So much so that this semester I've been purposely screening my calls and thought many times about simply ignoring her.
Anyways, back to this. The sum that I came up with that I would need for summer classes was 2 grand, which is surprisingly the exact amount that I paid out of my student loan this last semester. My plan this summer was to take $1,250 and put in Savings for summer and to have a cushion to begin to pay back said loans, buy things/Live off another $1,000 and put the rest towards Arabic Rosetta Stone, in hopes of scoring a job with the government after graduation. I told her the amount, another blank stare. "Well, you should have saved from the $1,700 that you still had from your loan."
Granted, I splurged and spent the money. However, I also thought that since I had paid that money so my parent's wouldn't go into massive debt, that I also wouldn't have to worry about paying for my summer classes because I'd helped her. She pretty much gave me a look that said I should be on my knees worshipping her for everything she hath done for me. USI is the *CHEAPEST* college other than Community colleges in Indiana. That 2 grand I mentioned earlier? That covers two college classes, campus housing and campus services.
I told her I wouldn't be able to just use the money from the remainder of my student loans. She told me to get a job. USI is in Evansville, Indiana. Evansville is the second largest city in Indiana, home to two colleges, numerous high schools and a very soon to be closed Maytag factory. Guess how many jobs, part time/Full time/any, are available. None. I've looked, asked, applied. Nothing. No one is hiring, it's a recession and Evansville got hit HARD.
Another solution, get more money from HER parents. 'If you hadn't wasted the money they had on that gaming computer you'd be fine.' As I've said, I know I'm not the greatest with money, I saw a NICE computer as an investment, as I've gone through one laptop already in college and the one that I have still is on it's last leg. I wanted something that I could rely on a little more than a shitty HP laptop that I got on sale. So, I got the computer. The 'gaming' aspect is a nice graphics card and a bigger monitor. Not a gaming desktop by any gamer's standards. I also bought it to serve as DVD player/entertainment device as well as safekeeper to my documents so I could continue to run the laptop into the ground.
So, now I don't know what I'm going to do for the summer classes I need. I will have to call my grandparent's tomorrow and see if there is any money from what they had set aside for me and go from their. I'm likely going to have to take out another student loan on my own to figure out how I'll pay back later, because I'm not sure I'm going to be able to find a job anywhere.
It's not that I don't mind helping my parents, mainly my Father since after I graduate I plan to sequester myself as far from Mother as possible, it's that my mother is so callous about it. I'm working hard in school, and trying to get through this pain in the ass fibryomyaglia which my professors have more sympathy about it than Mother does.
As sad or bad as this may sound, getting the hell away from Lisa is a large reason behind why I want to get married. Far down the list of the mushy gushy I love Daine and every reason one should get married. But usually after we talk about it a little bit, and moving to whereever after his schooling is done, I think how nice it will be to think I may only have to see my mother once a year. I can't stand her, I honestly hate her. I love her because she is my mother, and that is about it. I am grateful for the things that she and dad do for me, but it is certainly not without cost. Which is the side of Lisa that people rarely see. There are some nights that I wish my parents would divorce, so I could see my dad without her.
So, I don't know where to go from here. I even told her I'm not sure I'll come back for Thanksgiving. I want to see my dad, and sister, and grandparents. But, I don't want to see my Mother.
